Perpetually Alone

Snippets of my mind

Lately, I’ve realized a big thing about my future life. I guess you can say that the realization didn’t come as a total shock considering the manner in which I’ve been acting all along...

...I am destined to be perpetually alone. I might get married sure—but it will be a marriage of convenience. I would do it because, well, it’s required off of me. But in my heart, mind, and soul, I will be alone. Or rather, disengaged with the present as I’ve already fallen. And once fallen, you can’t fall twice...

Perhaps this is born from my childhood diet of Austen, other romantic narratives, and Sandra Bullock movies. As soon as my eyes befell on any of these perpetrators of mind, they would light up; my mind start thudding and my imagination furiously churning. Little known to my immediate consciousness, but for the last 12 years, I had been falling in love. Totally, madly, deeply in love. Not just with anyone. But with the big, massive behemoth Love. Yes, I was and am in love with Love!

Over the years, what started out as an innocent doe-eyed fascination with this Heaven of all Heavens has progressed and matured into a full-blown, faithful commitment...

Oh, it’s a terrible place to be in. Being in love with an idea, that too with an idealistic version of that idea, a Utopia of sorts, creates a want that nothing can satisfy..

Anyone else in the same boat?